Monthly Archives: March 2012

Dealing with difficult situations…and feeling helpless

(NOTE: This isn’t the best written post, because I cried the whole time I wrote it. )

Have you ever had to deal with difficult situations in your life that you have no control over?

Have you ever had to deal with difficult situations in life that you have had no idea how to handle?

Have you ever had to deal with someone in your family, or soneone close to you being very ill and you feel helpless, because there is nothing you can do for them except be there for them and hope and pray that they get better and fully recover?

I have had to deal with them all at one point in my life, but the last one is the one I have been dealing with lately…. Sad smile

I found out a couple days ago, that someone close to me has Cancer. Sad smile Now, before I go on with this post, let me tell you that this person is no stranger to cancer.  They have had it before, and survived it, so I have no doubt that they can’t do it again, Smile  but the dreading cancer word is hard for anyone to hear  anyone in their life has, especially  when they are someone who means so much to you…and you have seen them go through it before. I can’t express in enough words how I have been feeling since I found out that, this person has cancer again. The first time she had cancer it was difficult enough for me to understand, and accept. And now, this time I am taking it even harder.Sad smile…It’s like my whole world has been turned upside down and I am not even, the person who is fighting the cancer.  But in a way I feel like I am the one fighting it except, that the feeling I have is worse then being in physical pain. Sad smile The feeling that I have now after spending sometime with this person the last couple of days and seeing how much pain they are really in, is the feeling of helplessness.Sad smile I know, there is nothing that I can do for this person,except pray,keep them in my thoughts, and  be there for them, but I wish that I could make them feel better. I wish I could help find a cure for them. I wish that, I could help cure them. I wish that I could comfort them, I wish I could take away all their pain.But I can’t, that is up to the doctors, the multiple surgries they will have to go through, the chemotherapy sessions they are going to have to go through, and even then there are no guarantees. I can’t put in words how I truly feel right now,I wish I could switch places with them…really I do.They don’t deserve to be in this much pain. Sad smile They don’t don’t deserve to suffer. Sad smile Why couldn”t this have happened to me instead?  Sad smile Why them? Sad smile Why does anyone ever have to get so ill like this? Sad smile Why should anyone suffer like this? It’s  not fair. I just hope that, she gets better soon and survives cancer one more time. I am very sad! *tears up* Sad smile

On a lighter note: I will be reading blogs on a regular basis again soon, and will get back to reading all the ones I have in the past daily. Let me know if you read this blog and would like to be added to my blogroll! Smile

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My fear of dating guys

I have a confession to make…Yes, thats right. I said I have a fear of dating guys.Ever since, I dating the last guy I was with (who got me pregnant!) I have had this fear.There are several reasons that I am afraid to date another guy. The biggest reason is because I am afraid of getting hurt another guy. So, many guys in the past  twelve or so years have broken my heart, and honestly, I am tired of it. I feel like I am a good person and don’t deserve to ever have my heart broken, especially by some guy who doesn’t take enough time to get to know me. To me, if you go out on one date with someone and then decide to dump them, you are not judging them by the person who they truly are. Let’s face it, can you really get to know a person by going out with them one time? I don’t think so. If, you think that you can them you are crazy…and judging them by the person you think they are on the outside not the person they are on the inside. I am hoping that someday I can find someone that truly loves me for the person that I am on the inside, and not the person I appear to be on the outside. My looks may not be that great, but I will tell you that I am a compassionate, kind hearted person on the inside, that would never hurt anyone. EVER. No matter what. I hope someday, somebody see this in me.